


Burning Flame

by howlingsterek



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Comatose Derek, Crying Derek, Crying Stiles, Fire, Hurt Derek, M/M, Suicide Attempt, injured derek
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-12-11
Packaged: 2019-01-30 03:54:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12645579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howlingsterek/pseuds/howlingsterek
Summary: One can only take so much pain. Derek decided he’s had enough and does something about it.





	1. Chapter 1

_“This is all your fault!”  
  
“You did this to me!”   
  
“You are the only piece that doesn’t fit, Derek!”   
  
“You ruined my life!”   
  
“I’m not the one turning teenagers into killers!”   
  
“I came back for this?”   
  
  
  
“I’m sorry.” _   
  
  
  
It was a Tuesday morning that Derek sat in his Camaro, a yellow envelope in his hand. He had just left bank and was now just sitting in his car staring at the envelope. Inside of it were the papers the bank had just given him. Papers that stated what would happen with his money should anything happen to him. Derek had decided half of the money would go to Cora and the other half would be split evenly among the pack.   
  
His original plan had been to just give it all to Cora but he felt the need to help out the group of teenagers somehow. They had after all saved his life on numerous occasions and allowed him to be part of the pack in some type of way. Peter wasn’t going to receive any of the money because for one he didn’t deserve it and two he already has money of his own saved up.   
  
With a sigh, Derek tossed the hideous colored envelope onto the passenger seat and pulled out of the parking lot. The day was cold and gloomy which meant the roads were empty. Derek loved those kinds of days because he could drive freely without worrying about there being any traffic.   
  
He’s driving on a one way street that leads to the cemetery. Derek hasn’t been there once since the passing of his family. He didn’t feel like he deserved to go see their graves. It also felt like a joke of some sort for him to go. The man who caused the death of his family visiting their graves? Yeah right.   
  
Derek had paid someone to leave flowers at their graves once they were placed. Even if he didn’t visit them he wanted there to be something so they weren’t completely alone. On those days he stands from afar watching them as they remove the old flowers and place new ones gently in front of the tombstone.   
  
The cometary came to view and Derek began to feel anxious. He desperately wanted to turn back and leave but he was already there and that alone was an accomplishment. He shut his car off and stepped out into the cold. The wind immediately brought the stench of grief, death, and guilt which flooded his senses.   
  
Derek walked slowly along the gravel pathway to the gate. As he got closer and closer his hands began to shake and his breath became uneven. When he reached the gate, he stared at it for a few seconds before finally pulling the metal door and entering.   
  
He glanced around the cemetery at the various graves that were scattered throughout the land. Flowers of different colors laid in front of many of them and stood out against the grey of the tombstones. After skimming through, his eyes landed on a section that was a little further from the rest.   
  
It was a section that was designated especially for the Hale’s.   
  
Derek had ordered their graves to be placed a little further from other ones. He felt like they deserved their own section where they could rest in peace together. Derek let out a deep breath and made his way towards them. He still had time to turn back and leave but he just couldn’t. Every part of him screamed to run and leave but something held him back.   
  
He reached the second gate which separated his family from the rest and opened it. From there Derek could see which one was his mothers. He was glad to see fresh flowers laid out in front of. His trembling legs functioned enough for him to be able to kneel down in front of it. A shaky hand made its way towards it and he brushed his fingers gently over her name. 

_Talia Hale_  
  
_Daughter, Sister, Mother, and Wife_  
  
_February 16, 1967 — August 28, 2005_   


  
For the first time since the fire happened, Derek cried. He mourned his mother with loud sobs. Not once did he cry after the fire. He had been clouded by the guilt and anger that he could never bring himself to cry over them.   
  
“I’m so sorry, mom,” Derek sobbed, “I should’ve known she was no good. She was a hunter for god’s sake. Why did I even think that dating her was a good idea. It’s all my fault that you’re not here anymore. That you won’t be able to see the grandchildren you always wished to see. It’s my fault Laura will never get to start the clothing line she wanted to start. It’s my fault that Cora will never go on to be the nurse she said she wanted to be. It’s my fault Dad will never get to the build all those cabins he wanted to build. I know you would never want to see me like this and that if Laura were here she would have smacked me behind the head and told me to get my shit together.”   
  
Derek let out a humorless chuckle and wiped away his tears. “I’ve tried to be happy. I thought I was giving myself a pack but instead I was giving three teenagers a death sentence. I bit Erica, Boyd, and Isaac thinking it was a great idea. Now all three of them are with a new Alpha. I already knew they had chosen a new one the moment they met Scott. I just refused to believe it until Isaac told me.”   
  
“But it’s okay. They deserve someone who will treat them right and love them. Cora came and visited me but she left shortly after. She claimed South America was her home and that this place only brought back bad memories for her. I can agree with her on that but I also know she secretly left because of me. Since she left she hasn’t called or texted. I guess I was too much of a disappointment that she doesn’t want anything to do with me now.”   
  
“I miss you,” Derek’s voice cracked and he cleared his throat, “But I won’t be missing you or the others for much longer. I’ll be joining you guys soon. I’ve decided that this place and just life in general isn’t meant for me. Sometimes I think I should’ve done this a long time ago. Nobody here wants me anymore and i’m not needed for anything.”   
  
“The pack is always having meetings and pack nights without me. It shouldn’t hurt this much because i’m not that close with them but it does. Any other day they push me to the side and forget about me until they need to use me for one of their plans of for information.”   
  
“If only they knew that isn’t what a pack does. A pack includes everyone. They get together to strengthen their bond between not only as pack members but as friends. Everyone in a pack is treated equally and is loved for and cared for by others. It doesn’t matter anyway because nobody would listen to me if I tried to explain it to them.”   
  
“Sometimes I feel like i’m invisible to them. I don’t think they have realized that I’ve been silent and out of sight for about a week now until today. But it won’t matter anymore after tomorrow.”   
  
“After tomorrow, Derek Hale won’t exist anymore.”   
  
With that, Derek placed a kiss on his mother’s grave and stood up. He looked over the other graves once more and smiled with joy knowing he would be with his family once again.   
  
“I’ll see you soon, guys.”   
  
Derek felt a little lighter as he walked back to his car. He thought he would never be able to go to the cemetery and visit his family. The drive back to his loft was short. Derek’s mind had been elsewhere the whole time that he was surprised he made it home without having an accident.   
  
He shut his car off and began the journey up the stairs to his loft. The elevator was there for him to use but he felt like using the stairs instead. As soon as he entered he threw the envelope onto the kitchen counter and headed upstairs to his room. There he got out his favorite sweatpants and sweater as well as a pair of underwear and decided to take a shower.   
  
The hot water hit his cold body and warmed it up. Despite being a werewolf he actually felt cold today. He’s not sure whether it has to do with what he’s going to do of if he just actually feels cold. Derek took a while in the shower, not wanting to step out into the cold of his loft.   
  
About half an hour later he finally shut the water off and stepped out of the shower. He quickly dried himself off and changed into the warmer clothes. He haphazardly threw his towel over the door to dry and tossed his dirty clothes into the hamper.   
  
That would be the only the mess he would leave. Derek had spent the previous day cleaning his entire loft and organizing all of his things. He figured that if the pack decided to come over to the loft, at least it would be clean. His phone was shut off and placed on the nightstand. He knew no one would call him or text him either way.   
  
Derek laid down on his bed and wrapped himself in the blanket to get some feeling of comfort. He felt a smile grow on his face when he realized tomorrow he would finally be able to escape this hell he called life. And with that, Derek fell into a dreamless sleep.   


 

* * *

  
  
Stiles trudged down the stairs and found his dad sitting in the kitchen table with coffee in one hand and the newspaper in the other. He was a little surprised that his father was still here but then again he never really gets to work on time.   
  
“Good morning, dad.” Stiles mumbled as he grabbed a mug out of the cabinet and poured himself coffee.   
  
“Morning, son. Sleep well?” John asked as he set his newspaper down and took a sip of his coffee.   
  
Stiles chuckled. “Every night is a good night when there isn’t a supernatural creature trashing the town.”   
  
“Don’t I know it.”   
  
“I don’t remember if I told you, but the pack is coming over today. We’re having pack night here since Lydia’s mom said we couldn’t use the lake house this time.” Stiles explained.   
  
The Sheriff nodded and downed the rest of his coffee. “What time are they coming over?”   
  
“I told them to come around five but they may come a little earlier or later. You never know. Are you doing something today.”   
  
“No, I’ll be coming home early today though. But don’t worry, i’ll be up in my room doing my own thing. However, if I spot a single can of beer in this house I will kick everyone out and you will be grounded. Do you hear me, young man?” The Sheriff said sternly. He would not tolerate underage drinking especially in his house.   
  
Stiles nodded frantically. “Yes, dad, I know. The pack may do stupid things but they’re not stupid enough to bring beer while being underage to the Sheriff’s house.”   
  
“You never know son. Teenagers are just a bunch of rebels. I’m gonna head to the station now.” John stated as he set his mug in the sink and pressed a kiss to Stiles’ forehead.   
  
“Bye, dad, love you! Be safe!”   
  
“Yeah yeah.”   
  
Stiles shook his head as his dad exited the house. He then began looking through his pantry and fridge to see if he could find anything to eat. In the end he settled for eggs and bacon. Once the last piece of bacon was cooked, he tossed the pan into the sink and brought his plate to the table.   
  
As soon as he sat down, his phone began ringing. He let out a groan and let it ring for a few seconds before finally standing up and grabbing it. He pressed the green button and didn’t bother to see who it was.   
  
“Hello.”   
  
_“Hey, Stiles!”_ It was Scott, _“We’re still up for tonight right?”_   
  
“Of course we are,” Stiles answered as he sat back down, “You all can come at five. My dad said he’s going to be home early so if any of you little shits were going to bring beer I suggest you don’t.”   
  
_“Aw man!”_ Scott whined, _“I was so ready to get drunk.”_   
  
Stiles laughed and took a bite from his bacon. “Scotty, you don’t even make it to the second beer! You start falling asleep!”   
  
_“No, I don’t!”_ Scott protested.   
  
“Ask Lydia and Erica, they can show you. They have proof.”   
  
The Alpha gasps. _“No! Tell me they don’t have pictures of me sleeping.”_   
  
Stiles snickered. “Like I said, ask them. I’m gonna go back to eating my breakfast which you interrupted. Bye, Scotty! See you later.”   
  
He hung up and set the phone down and finished eating his breakfast. Afterwards he washed the dishes that were in the sink and cleaned up the kitchen. The rest of the house wasn’t that messy but Stiles decided to might as well clean it since he actually had the energy to.   
  
It was nearing three o’clock when everything was finally clean. Stiles was exhausted but he still had food to make. Usually they ordered pizza and ate that but Stiles was tired of pizza that he thought he would puke at just talking about it. So instead he looked up different polish plates and made those.   
  
In the end Stiles had four different dishes and he hoped it was enough because the pack ate a lot. He also pulled out crackers and chips to munch on and set those on the counter.   
  
The last time they had pack night at his house, he made the mistake of not pulling out any snacks and his kitchen was left like someone robbed it. Food was spilled everywhere, things were broken, and their pantry was a mess. So today he settled on actually having things out so his kitchen wouldn’t get messy. Hopefully.   
  
The doorbell rang and Stiles walked to open it. As soon as he did he didn’t even get the chance to see who it was before they all scrambled inside his house and began stuffing themselves with food. He had a feeling he was going to need more food.   
  
Once everyone had the food they wanted they all sat down in the living room and began arguing over what movie they wanted to watch. Eventually Stiles shut them up by putting in whatever movie he wanted to watch. And they all groaned when the star wars theme song started playing.   
  
After the movie finished, Stiles pulled out the game twister while the Scott and Isaac pushed the couches and coffee table away. He spread the mat out and decided he would be the spinner because he didn’t want any broken bones.   
  
Sheriff Stilinski arrived home and was amused at the sight. The whole pack except for Stiles were all twisted up, half of them nearly falling. Stiles himself was laughing so hard he couldn’t spin the spinner correctly.   
  
He must’ve let out a laugh because everyone on the floor made an attempt to look at him and greet him.   
  
“Hello, kiddos. You guys having fun there?” John asked with a smirk.     
  
“I would be if Isaac would stop stepping on my toes!” Lydia exclaimed, “I just got this pedicure done and it wasn’t cheap!”   
  
“I care more about Malia threatening to break my wrist if I don’t let he win than your stupid toes!” Isaac defended.   
  
“You did not just say that!”   
  
John shook his head and made his way to the staircase but was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He sighed because he already new it had to be someone from the station. He walked back to the dining table and grabbed his phone and answered.   
  
“Sheriff Stilinski.”   
  
_“Sheriff,”_ It was Parrish, _“Sheriff, we’ve been receiving multiple calls regarding a strong smell of gasoline in the preserve.”_   
  
The room went silent and the Sheriff turned around to see the entire pack had forgotten about the game and were looking at him. Meaning they had been listening into his call and still were.   
  
“Gasoline? Are you sure?”   
  
_“Yes, sir.”_ Parrish confirmed, _“People are saying the smell is strong and can’t seem to find where it’s coming from. There isn’t a fire yet but they fear it will happen soon."_    
  
“Alright, i’m heading out there. Parrish, I want you to get both firefighters and ambulances out there. We don’t know if there will be a fire but it’s best we be prepared.” The Sheriff ordered.   
  
He hung up and looked up to see everyone searching for their shoes and gathering up their belongings. He cleared his throat but no one paid attention. He cleared it once again and nothing.   
  
“Hey!” He yelled and that got their attention. “Where do you guys think you’re going?”   
  
“We’re going with you to help you.” Scott shrugged and went back to trying to find his other shoe.   
  
“No you’re not.”   
  
“What do you mean we’re not?” Malia asked a slight growl in her voice.   
  
“I’m pretty sure this is something not related to the supernatural. Just stay here and continue your pack night. I’m sure everything will be fine.”   
  
Stiles scoffed. “Dad, when was the last time you received a call that led to something actually related to us humans?”   
  
“This morning.”   
  
“Uh huh. One out of the other hundreds you have received that weren’t. We’re coming with you, dad.”   
  
“No, you’re not.”   
  
“Sheriff,” Scott spoke up, “We can help you. Once we find out it’s not something related to the supernatural we’ll come back. There’s also a chance that it could be a distraction from something else. And maybe we can find out if there’s a trail the leads to where the smell is coming from.”   
  
The Sheriff stood there for a few seconds debating whether or not he should let them come. He knew either way if he said no, they would eventually meet out in the preserve. And that if he thought about this any longer, he could arrive too late on scene.   
  
“Alright, you guys can come with me. But as soon as it’s settled that it’s not about the supernatural, you guys come back here. Deal?”   
  
“Deal.” Scott said.   
  
“Let’s go then.”   
  
With that, the pack rushed out to their respective cars and drove to the preserve with an escort from the Sheriff. Meaning they could all speed and get there quicker without worrying about getting a ticket.   
  
When they arrived at the preserve it was quiet and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Except for the smell of gasoline that was fairly strong and the firefighters and EMTs ready if anything were to happen.   
  
“The smell is pretty strong.” Erica pointed out.   
  
“Yeah, it’s hard to know where it’s coming from.” Isaac added.   
  
“Is there at least some kind of trail we could follow?” The Sheriff questioned.   
  
All werewolves began sniffing the air for something until Scott perked up. “I think i’ve got something.”   
  
They followed behind the Alpha werewolf, heading east. Fortunately for them it was a day of a full moon meaning they had no trouble making their way through the preserve.   
  
“Have any of you called Derek?” Stiles asked, breaking the silence.   
  
“I did,” Boyd answered, “But he didn’t pick up.”   
  
“That’s weird. He usually always answers his calls when we call him.” Lydia stated.   
  
“Try calling him again.” Malia suggested.   
  
Boyd pulled out his phone and tapped away at the screen before putting it against his ear. And while they did expect for Boyd’s phone to ring, they weren’t expecting to hear a phone also ring in the preserve.   
  
“I think Derek is responsible enough to not drop his phone in the middle of the woods.” John said.   
  
“Yeah, something’s not right.” Stiles mumbled.   
  
“I told you this was some kind of distraction.” Scott exclaimed.   
  
They eventually found the phone and Stiles picked it up. He tapped and swiped away at the phone to find if anything was different. He opened up every app, which wasn’t many, to see if there were any clues. So far he had nothing until he opened up the voice recording app and found a new one with today’s date on it.   
  
Stiles looked up at Lydia with worried eyes and she nodded at him, silently telling him to listen to it. He pressed on the voice recording and brought the phone up to his ear and felt himself shiver when Derek’s voice came through.   
  
_“I’m sorry. I just had to do it. I couldn’t take this anymore. I want to be free and happy. This is for the best. Don’t look for me. You won’t anything except for ashes.”_   
  
The next line was said in a hushed voice but somehow Stiles still heard it.   
  
_“I’ll see you soon, mom.”_  
  
The phone slipped out of Stiles’ hands and he took off running. He could hear the pack screaming for him and running after him but he didn’t care. It wasn’t until he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist to stop his tracks.   
  
“No, stop, let me go!” He yelled as he attempted to escape from Scott’s hold.   
  
“Stiles!” John yelled, “You need to calm down and tell us what’s going on!”   
  
“There’s no time! Scott, let me go! Dad! Tell him to let me go! I need to go stop him.” Stiles pleaded as he squirmed around.   
  
“Stop who?” Malia asked.   
  
At this point, Stiles didn’t care that it was his best friend. He kicked him in the crotch and pushed him when he doubled over and took off running again. This time no one made an attempt to stop him and only followed after.   
  
“Derek!” Stiles yelled when they reached the Hale house. “I know you can hear me! Please don’t do this! Just— come out so we can talk please.”   
  
Scott, Allison, Lydia, Malia, Erica, Isaac, and Boyd watched Stiles yell at the house. The weres knew Derek was there but they couldn’t find him. They were all petrified at what was going on. The Sheriff was demanding that all paramedics and firefighters get to the house while Stiles continued to yell at Derek.   
  
“Derek, I know you’re hurting. I know you blame yourself for everything. But this isn’t going to fix anything. It will only make things worse.”   
  
“This will fix everything. It’s all my fault. Everything that has happened to you all and my family is my fault.” Derek said but still remained hidden.   
  
“No it’s not! Just come out please. We’re pack, we can help you.”   
  
“No, we’re not!” Derek yelled, causing everyone to flinch.   
  
“What do you mean we’re not?” Stiles asked, voice trembling with sorrow and fear.   
  
“In a pack, everyone loves each other, they don’t push each other away. They don’t exclude people and make them feel like a waste of space. I don’t have a pack anymore, mine left me. Both packs left me. You guys only call when you need help. I know all about the pack nights and meetings you guys have without me. I may not be close with you guys, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t matter anymore though. After this you can have all the pack nights you guys want.”   
  
A tiny flamed appeared, shining brightly in the darkness of the house. Though the flame was small it was bright enough to show Derek’s face of defeat.   
  
“I’ll be having mine with my pack.”   
  
“Derek don’t!” Stiles screamed and tried to run forward but flinched back when the house was engulfed in flames.   
  
The Sheriff was in the background urging the paramedics and firefighter to hurry. Scott held his best friend in his arms as he screamed and cried. Boyd was doing his best to hold back Erica and Isaac. Allison and Lydia were also struggling to keep Malia from running into the house.   
  
Smoke fogged their eyes but Stiles saw the moment two firefighters ran into the house and came out carrying a body. Derek’s body. The Sheriff immediately ran over to them to check on Derek’s state.   
  
No one in the pack could tell if he was alive or not. The roar of the fire was too loud for them to close in on Derek’s heartbeat. Even from afar they could see the burns covering Derek’s body. Somehow his face remained flawless but the rest of body wasn’t. He showed no signs of healing. Which either meant the injuries were too much or he wasn’t alive.   
  
They watched closely as they placed an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth. One of the paramedics shook his head and began rapidly moving, placing the gurney in the back of the ambulance and the other running to the driver’s seat. Seconds later, they were taking off.   
  
Stiles watched as his father walked back towards them with a broken and pitiful expression and tears shining in his eyes.   
  
“Dad,” He whispered once John reached them, “Tell me he’s going to be okay, please.”   
  
John bit the inside of his mouth and looked back at the firefighters trying to put out the fire before it reached any of the trees. He himself was still in shock at what just happened and didn’t know how exactly to tell a group of teenagers that one of their friends might never be okay.   
  
“Dad!” Stiles yelled, getting his attention.   
  
John shook his head. “He wasn’t breathing, Stiles. His burns are serious and isn’t healing. He inhaled too much smoke and won’t respond to the oxygen. I’m sorry, guys, but I don’t think Derek is going to make it.”   
  
“No,” Stiles cried, shaking his head in disbelief, “I want to see him.”   
  
“Stiles, I don’t think—“   
  
“I don’t care what you think! I want to see him, dad.”   
  
John sighed and nodded. “Okay, we’ll go see him.”   
  
When they reached the hospital, they were informed Derek was alive.   
  
But nobody knew if he was going to ever wake up again.


	2. Chapter 2

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Stiles stood in front of the window that allowed him to see into Derek’s room. His hand rested against the window and tearsstreamed down his face as he stared at the aftermath of something they caused. Of something he caused.

He has witnessed Derek get thrown at walls, impaled by a pole, clawed at by werewolves, paralyzed by a kanima, get de-aged, attacked by hunters, and so much more. And each time he watched as Derek stood up and fought back with all his might.

Stiles seemed to think that fire is a curse to the Hale family. He doesn’t understand how Derek can come back from everything else but as soon as he is harmed by fire he doesn’t. Sure it could be that werewolf healing takes longer to heal burns from fire, but Derek’s burns appeared to stay the same. At this point, Stiles is beginning to think Derek doesn’t want to heal himself.

The scars from the fire haven’t healed at all. They cover his arms, legs, torso, back,chest, and a small section on his face. His heart kept getting weaker and weaker as the days passed. Doctors would only shake their heads and say he wasn’t getting any better. They all admit they wish there was something else they could do but there isn’t. They can only keep Derek on oxygen so he remains alive and clean his burns so they don’t get an infection.

Stiles would be in the room with Derek but the Sheriff had prohibited him from going back inside after an incident occurred. He had been inside Derek’s room, sitting next to him when the man’s heart stopped beating. The machine beeped wildly as it alerted him that Derek wasn’t breathing. Stiles panicked badly and began shouting for nurses or doctors or anyone. Meanwhile he stood over Derek’s body and shook him and yelled at him to come back as if he could hear him.

A nurse had to sedate Stiles in order to get him out of way because he was refusing to let go of Derek. He also kept threatening the nurses and doctors if they didn’t get Derek to respond. If it wasn’t for his father being the Sheriff, Stiles would most likely be in a holding cell at the Sheriff’s station. John had yelled and scolded at Stiles once he woke up for doing something so stupid as threatening the nurses and doctors.

However, after an hour of Stiles begging and crying at his dad to let him go back in the room, John finally gave in. He knew Derek meant a lot to Stiles and his son would hate him forever if he didn’t let him see him. And because they were all so emotionally exhausted that he just couldn’t put up a fight with Stiles.

So now Stiles found himself standing in from of the door to Derek’s room. He was terrified of going back in and having Derek’s heart stop again. He exhaled a shaky breath and brought up a trembling hand to the doorknob. Slowly, he turned it and pushed opened the door, the squeak as it opened sounding too loud in his ears. Stiles stepped in and shut the door softly. He then took slow steps as he approached the chair he had been siting in.

Once he sat down, he took a moment to observe and take in Derek’s face. He looked peaceful. The frown that he normally sported wasn’t there. Instead, he looked relaxed. As if he wasn’t lying on a bed practically dying and instead on a beach taking in the sun and breeze. It broke Stiles’ heart knowing that it took this for Derek to finally look at ease.

“I’m sorry.” Stiles whispered as he took Derek’s hand in his and laced their fingers together. A fresh wave of tears made its way down his face but he didn’t bother to wipe them away.

“I have been such a horrible friend. We have all been such horrible friends. When we say we care about you, it isn’t a lie. We do care about you— we just never showed we did and now you’re here because of it. God, we basically pushed you away from being in the pack. A pack you wanted to be in so badly because wanted to experience the feeling of having a pack again. We excluded you from everything we did together, pack meetings, pack nights. And all you wanted was to be a part of that.”

Stiles took a deep breath and squeezed Derek’s hand a little tighter. “Melissa said that some people can actually hear what everyone is saying when they’re in a coma. So if you can hear me, please listen to what I am going to say. Nothing that has happened to you is you fault. Your family dying was not your fault. It was Kate’s fault for manipulating you into giving her the information she needed to successfully kill them.

“Paige dying was also not your fault and fuck werewolf biology for giving you blue eyes. You didn’t kill Paige in cold blood. You helped her from not suffering any longer than she had too. You don’t deserve those blue eyes because her dying was not your fault. Almost losing Erica and Boyd and then having them leave for another Alpha, wasn’t your fault. It’s theirs for leaving. You were a newly turned Alpha and needed a pack. They should have given you a chance to change and make things right. It’s not your fault they left you because you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“When Cora almost died, that was most definitely not your fault. Jennifer used her twisted magic to make you fall for her and then poisoned Cora when she realized you knew who she really was. There was no way you could have known Jennifer was a dark druid. She seemed like a perfectly normal human who was interested in you. Maybe in the beginning what you both had was real and then she realized you were perfect for her little magic ritual. There was no way you could have known about anything, Derek.”

“We all care about you, Derek. I care about you. For fucks sake I fucking loved you,” Stiles yelled and then quickly took a deep breath to calm himself, “And I still love you.”

“You have no idea how much I hate myself for not realizing how bad you were hurting and that you were nowhere near being okay. All I wanted and still want is to see you happy. You deserve every ounce of happiness in this world. I wanna see your eyes sparkle with happiness. I wanna see you smile because I know you’d look even more beautiful than you already do without it. I want to hear you laugh so I can engrave it into my head because I know it’d be the most beautiful sound. But please, please don’t leave me to have to imagine you being happy. Don’t leave me to forever wonder what you would’ve been like if you were happy.”

“I promised to show you how much I care about you and how much I love you. Come back to me— to us.”

Stiles stood up from his chair and leaned down press a light kiss on Derek’s forehead.

“Please come back, Der.” He whispered.

As soon as he walked out and closed the door, Stiles slid down to the ground and sobbed. The guilt he was feeling was too much and was like none other before. He had felt guilty over his mother’s death but he had come to terms that it wasn’t his fault. But if Derek dies, it will actually be he fault and won’t be able to live with that burden. 

It was now six in the afternoon and the entire pack was sitting in the waiting area. They had just gotten back from taking a shower and changing into a new pair of clothes. Normally they all stay until around eight thirty or nine and someone stays behind after. That usually is Stiles who stays behind unless the Sheriff drags him home.

The only one missing from the pack is Lydia. They all know that something must be wrong since she always arrives at the same time as them. A few seconds later the sound of someone running is heard and then Lydia’s voice echoing throughout the hospital.

“Guys!” She yelled, “You all need to do something.”

Scott jumped out of his seat and immediately rushed over to her. Her heartbeat was racing and her eyes looked around wildly at them.

“Lydia, what’s wrong?” Scott asked, placing his hands on her shoulders to calm her.

“Check your bank accounts. All of you.” She commanded.

Everyone looked at her confused but no one did anything.

“Just do it!”

The pack took out their phones and did as told. As soon as they logged into their bank accounts and checked their balance, everyone let out a gasp. For some the amount had doubled and for others tripled.

Stiles stared at his phone in shock, not believing the amount of money he now had in his account. He clicked on the ‘more info’ button and his phone nearly fell to the ground when he saw who the money was from.

_Transfer made from account number 0382, Derek Hale._

“Oh my god.” He whispered.

“Stiles, what’s wrong?” The Sheriff asked, looking around at the room full of shocked teenagers.

Stiles turned around and his eyes widened. “D-Dad, can you check your bank account real quick?”

John frowned but took out his phone either way. “Why?”

“Just do it, please.”

Stiles stood there vibrating in nervousness as he waited for his dad to do so. Melissa had appeared next to John a few seconds later and Stiles repeated what he had told his dad.

When they both react the same way the rest of them had, it confirmed what Stiles suspected.

“What is this?” Melissa asked, her voice trembling.

“It’s Derek’s money. He split it between all of us and transferred it into our accounts.” Stiles explained.

“How are you so sure it was Derek?” Allison asked, her voice hoarse from crying.

Stiles spun around to look at her with incredulous eyes. “Do you know someone else who has this much money? Someone who would split it between five teenagers? My dad and Melissa i’d understand, but us? We’re not even out of high school yet!”

Allison casted her eyes down at the ground and remained silent. Beacon Hills was a small town and no rich person would come live in it. And anyone who has the amount of money that Derek does certainly wouldn’t split it between five teenagers.

“Hold on,” Isaac spoke up. “If Derek knew all of our bank account information and knew exactly how much money he was going to give us—”

“That means he planned this a long time ago. He’s been wanting to do this.” Lydia finished.

Isaac stood up and walked silently towards Derek’s room. No one in the pack tried to stop him and he was glad for that.

Derek has been in the hospital for a week now and today was the first day that anyone else besides Stiles went to visit him. They were are still too guilt ridden and felt like they didn’t deserve to visit him. Stiles had been the first one because he couldn’t take it anymore. His leg had constant bounced up and down, his nails were bit raw, and his anxiety had been up the roof. Unfortunately, the universe had punished him but that didn’t stop him from visiting.

Isaac took a deep breath before stepping in and sitting down beside the bed. His breathing was shaky as he looked over Derek. The look on his face from that night still haunted him. He had never seen Derek look so defeated. He cleared his throat and then began talking.

“Hey, Derek. It’s me, Isaac, incase you didn’t know,” Isaac let out a watery laugh before continuing, “If I had known this would happen I would’ve never abandoned you. I don’t even know why I decided to choose Scott over you. He was more emotionally stable and less aggressive, but either way you were my Alpha. You were the one who bit me so I could defend myself from my father and also have another form of a family. One that didn’t torment me and abuse me.”

“I still remember what your expression was like when those words came out of my mouth. When I said that you weren’t my Alpha. Your eyes had clouded with something I didn’t understand back then. But what got to me was that you didn’t even try to stop me from leaving. Now I understand why would looked the way you did. You had just accepted the fact that everyone was going to leave you at some point.”

“I also understand why you felt like you had to do this. You were tired of everyone leaving you, so you decided to just leave. You didn’t feel cared for or wanted. You wanted to have a real pack, the pack you lost all those years ago.”

“If I could go back to that day and take those words back, I would. I swear I would, Derek. It might’ve not made much of a difference but it still would’ve made a difference. You took me in and treated me like you were my father. A father I never had. And in return I drove you to fucking suicide.”

“We don’t deserve you, Derek. I don’t deserve you. But I know even if you wake up you’ll still do everything you can to make us happy while you’re suffering. You gave us your money even after we treated you like shit. You cared for us even when we excluded you from everything. Checked on us after every fight while none of us decided to check on you. We’re all just an excuse of a pack.”

“I promise to be a better person, a better friend, a better werewolf, a better beta.”

“I promise to be a better son.” Isaac sobbed.

“I got the papers, Derek. I couldn’t even read the rest of the documents because the only the I was focused on was the part that said you adopted me. Please don’t leave me. I don’t have any other family than you and the pack. Come back to us.”

Isaac walked out of the room and was met with Stiles who looked at him with concern. He realized the pack must’ve overheard him and told Stiles. Isaac pulled the human in for a hug and buried his head in his neck and cried.

“It’s okay, Isaac. He’s going to come back to us. I promise. He won’t be the same but he’ll be alive and awake and that’s all that matters. You won’t lose your family again.”

Another week passed and no one else went in to see Derek. It was on Friday that Erica and Boyd decided they needed to talk to him.

“We’re both sorry,” Boyd spoke, “I hope you know that. We never should’ve left you alone.”

“We were both stupid thinking we could find another pack,” Erica continued, “You warned us, told us that there wasn’t another pack out there because you knew. But we were both stubborn and decided to leave anyway. It resulted in us getting kidnapped and Boyd almost dying. We still pushed you away after you saved us when you didn’t have to. You could’ve left us for dead like we left you. But you didn’t.”

“We weren’t close and we didn’t form strong enough bonds, but I could still feel something slowly breaking. It was like this humming noise and each day it got softer and softer. I didn’t know what it was until I could barely hear it. It felt horrible and it made feel sick. And now it makes me wonder, if it felt like that to me, a beta. What did it feel like to you, an Alpha, the Alpha who turned us into werewolves.” Boyd away the tears that ran down his cheeks as he remember what it felt like when the humming finally stopped completely.

Erica grabbed Derek’s hand and squeezed it before speaking. “I couldn’t help but overhear some of what Isaac said. All I can say is that he’s right. We don’t deserve you. You bit Boyd and gave him friends when he was lonely. You bit me and cured me from my epilepsy. You gave me a chance to live and I still refused to acknowledge you as my Alpha, as pack. We both refused to do that when not only did you make us into werewolves but you saved us.”

“I don’t know how you kept seeing us after we’ve hurt you so much. You were already hurting and lonely. You just wanted a pack to feel less alone. We had a chance at making you happy and helping you heal. And instead we left you.”

“And we’re all very sorry for that.” Boyd concluded. He grabbed Erica’s hand and led her out the room. Both betas took one last look at Derek before exiting the room to join the rest of the pack.

Since it was Scott’s turn to stay overnight at the hospital, Stiles decided he was going to go over to Derek’s loft. No one has gone over to his place to check on it’s condition. Nobody wanted to leave the hospital and have something happen to Derek and not be there. It was still a struggle for each of them to leave every night. Melissa and the Sheriff had to practically drag the whole pack out of the hospital the first night.

Stiles hopped in his car and took a deep breath before turning the engine on and putting his jeep in gear. The short drive to the loft felt like eternity. Usually when he was driving to Derek’s place it was under adrenaline because something bad had happened. But today seemed like the first time where it wasn’t because of an emergency. Luckily it was night time and traffic was light.

When he got to the building he was thrown off by how dark it was. The top floor was normally illuminated by Derek’s lights but tonight it was pitch black. Stiles stepped out of the jeep and walked with careful steps towards the building. He was near the entrance when a voice startled him.

“Excuse me!”

Stiles turned around was met with an elderly woman standing a little further behind him. He walked closer to her and met her concerned gaze.

“Yes, can I help you?” He asked politely.

“I noticed you walking into the building and I was wondering if you know what happened to the young man who lives here? It’s been two weeks and I have not once seen him. He sometimes comes over and helps me with my groceries and garden but he hasn’t. Is he okay?”

Stiles’ breath hitched and he had to look away to stop the tears from falling. “He— He had an accident, ma’am.”

The woman gasped and brought a hand up to her mouth. “An accident? Is he going to be alright?”

“I’m not sure. He’s currently in a coma. The doctors are saying there’s a high chance he won’t wake up but my friends and I believe he will.” Stiles explained.

“Oh dear. That poor boy doesn’t deserve this. He’s such a sweetheart and cares for others even in his state.”

Stiles frowned. “What do you mean in his state?”

“Aren’t you his friend? Shouldn’t you know what’s going on with him? That boy looks more and more tired and upset each day that passes. Each day he came over I could tell he had spent the night before crying. Sometimes he was so tired he could barely stand up straight that I had to make him some sleeping tea. I never once saw any friend of his go visit him except maybe twice. He doesn’t deserve to be alone after everything he’s been through.”

Tears were now making its way down Stiles’ cheeks. The reality that he and the others hadn’t been there for Derek hurting more and more day. He wiped away his tears and took a deep breath before speaking.

“If you want to see him he’s at Beacon Memorial. One of my friends is still there and you can tell him who you are. You’re welcome to visit him whenever you want.”

The woman smiled and pulled Stiles in for a hug. “Thank you so much, dear. I hope your friend wakes up. I truly miss him. He’s such a sweetheart.”

Stiles smiled back at her and then pulled away to continue his way to Derek’s loft. He had to turn on his phone flashlight to find the light switch. When he did, he pushed it up and the whole building became illuminated. Deciding to go against using the elevator, he began the long flight of stairs up to the last floor.

By the time he reached it, Stiles was panting and out of breath. He stared at the large door to Derek’s loft and then slowly pulled it open. It wasn’t a surprise to find that it was unlocked because the man never seemed to lock anything even when living in Beacon Hills.

Stiles stepped in and looked around the space. Everything was in the same spot. Nothing was moved and nothing was dirty either. There were no dishes in the kitchen sink, no blankets or shoes sitting by the couch. Even the tv remotes were put away.

Derek’s bedroom was how it always is, clean and tidy. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Except for the box that sat in the middle of his king bed. Stiles walked to it and grabbed the box. Inside of it were various letters. He found one that was labeled by his name and unceremoniously tore it open. Unfolding the paper, he began reading.

_Dear Stiles Stilinski,_

_I don’t know when my hate for you turned into love. I only know that suddenly I couldn’t find reasons to hate you. Instead I kept finding every single reason to love you. My wolf claimed you as my mate you know. You were supposed to be ours forever. I never told you because I didn’t think you cared. I didn’t think you loved me. But also because you didn’t deserve me. You deserve someone who is stable. Someone who isn’t broken like me. You need someone who can carry whatever weight it is that lies on your shoulders without falling apart. I admire you for how protective you are over those you love. You care and provide for the pack like the mate every wolf dreams about. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. You keep us all sane and grounded. Especially me._

_I love you, Stiles. Don’t ever forget that. I hope you find someone who will make you feel happy and loved. I’m sorry it couldn’t be me who made you feel that way._

_Your mate, Derek._

Stiles collapsed at the foot of the bed and sobbed. He was Derek’s mate and he had failed him. He was supposed to have made him feel happy, loved, and cared for. Instead he had made him feel the complete opposite. The teenager picked himself off the floor after a few minutes and shoved the letter back into the box.

His eyes flickered up for a few seconds and found the light from the lamp reflecting off of something. Stiles got closer to the nightstand and found a key with a note slipped underneath.

_If you ever want to come here, feel free. I only leave you a key because I know how much you hate it when I leave the loft unlocked. But yet you leave your window opened. I’ll never understand you._

Stiles let out a watery laugh and took the key gently into his hand. He took out his keys from his pocket and slid the new key onto it. He stared at it for a few seconds and then frowned at it.

“I’m giving you this key back once you’re awake. I won’t need it if you’re going to be here.”


	3. Chapter 3

Allison was the one who had the hardest time trying to go see Derek. She felt like she didn’t have the right to do so after all the harm her family had caused him. Especially Kate. It was now that she hated having the same last name as her.

It took some time for the pack to convince her that she did have the right. That just because Kate had the same last name as her and did bad things it didn’t mean she shouldn’t see him.

That’s why Allison now stood with Scott in front of Derek’s door.

“Scott, I can't do this.” She said, shaking her head.

Scott placed his hands on her arms and squeezed gently. “Yes you can. I know you can,” He pressed a soft peck to her head and then let go, “Now, go in there.”

Allison still felt like it wasn’t right for her to go in there but she did it for the pack, for Derek.

“Hey, Derek, it’s Allison.”

She tried. She tried to hold her tears in but she couldn’t. Something broke inside her and she couldn’t stop crying.

“I am so so sorry for everything we’ve done to you. For what Kate did. Everyday I wake up feeling ashamed of being an Argent. Knowing that i’m related to that women who murdered your family makes me sick. An innocent family, some that weren’t even werewolves.”

“My dad, he told something that he probably shouldn’t have but he did. He said that when the nogitsune possessed you and you tried killing him, that when he pressed the gun to your head, you changed back to yourself for a second. And in that second that he got to see you, he said it looked like you were begging. He didn’t know if you were begging to be killed or to not be killed.”

“Now I know you were begging to be killed.”

“The sounds of your howls from that night still ring in my head, sometimes I can still smell the stench of burning flesh.”

“I don’t know how Kate stood there and watched and listened to the whole thing. I tried to run away because I couldn’t take it. Knowing that years ago my aunt, an Argent stood in the same spot watching and hearing your family die. And then there was another Argent in the same place years later watching another Hale almost die.”

“I told my dad what happened, Derek. He turned into a whole different person that day. He went and destroyed every single picture of our family in the house. He burned the ones of Kate. He drank like i’ve never seen before. He was angry and upset.”

“He knows he can’t do anything to bring your family back. But he’s going to try and bring back your home.”

“My dad and I, we’re paying to rebuild your house, Derek.”

 

* * *

 

“I don’t know why I was made the banshee,” Lydia whispered, “I couldn’t even sense that you were about to die.”

“Before I could feel you. If we were about to do something dangerous like fight off another supernatural creature, I could sense that you were going to get hurt.”

“Now, I couldn’t even tell if you were okay anymore. Every time you got hurt, I wondered why I couldn’t sense it before.”

“It’s our fault. If we would’ve stayed close and included you in all of our stupid little pack nights the bond would’ve been stronger. I would’ve been able to see you were going to do something. Or that you were about to die.”

“I’m usually good at reading people, just like Stiles. I can tell when something is bothering someone. I always knew there was something bothering you. Something just wasn’t right with you. You would smile and laugh but they never reached your eyes.”

“You were hard to read. Your walls were strongly built that I couldn’t see through them. But I get that after years of people betraying you, I probably would have built my walls that strongly too.”

Lydia looked down at her lap and cried. “I never thought I would miss you this much, but I do. You always knew when something was wrong with me and made sure I was okay. You gave me advice whenever I was having problems. If I was ever struggling with my banshee powers you would let me come over to your loft where it was more quiet and work on making them better. You sometimes even taught me how to relax to make it easier.”

“Who’s going to give me advice now? Who’s going to know when i’m not doing my best? Who’s place am I going to be able to go over to whenever I need peace and quiet to get better at my banshee powers?”

“We need you more than you realize, Derek. I feel stupid for not realizing how badly we were hurting you. All this time I thought we were doing alright. But you were slowly breaking more and more as the days went by and none of us could see it. We were busy living our own selfish lives that we forgot all about you.”

“We need you, Derek. We’re all lost without you. We care about you. We love you. Even if we don’t show any of it, we do.”

 

* * *

 

Malia sat in the chair and stared at the ground. Her hands were resting in her lap and her leg bounced up and down as she tried to think of what to say.

“I’m not very good at this. I don’t really know what to say.”

“When I found out that Peter was my dad and that you were my cousin, I was both angry and happy.”

“Angry because all my life I was told this other man was my father when in reality my real dad was out and about not doing anything to find me.”

“I was happy because I felt like I had another chance at having a family after losing mine. I had a dad, my real dad and I had cousin. People who were actually related to me by blood.”

“I was a little disappointed because this family wasn’t like the one I had. My old family was close and they loved each other and they always hung out every weekend. You guys always fought and never seemed to get a long. I never saw you guys get close or anything a family usually does.”

“Now I know why. You didn’t feel loved. We didn’t make you feel loved. And we’re sorry. You’re the only real family I have left. Peter doesn’t really count because I know no matter how much he changes he can’t be the fatherly type of person I want. Just- please come back.”

 

* * *

 

Scott was the last one to go see Derek. He felt the most guilty out of everyone. He was the one who always planned pack meetings and pack nights. Meaning he was in charge of letting the pack know but yet he never invited Derek.

“I was such a selfish bastard. I only cared about myself and not about others. You trusted me and let me into your life and I only you pushed you away and always felt like I couldn't trust you. Even after you rescued us more times than I can count.”

“Everyone is hurting and feels bad for what we made you do. I know no amount of apologizing could heal the pain that you feel. It won’t wake you up from wherever you are.”

“When I became Alpha I knew that I was in charge of protecting everyone around me. But I think somewhere along the way I got really self centered and thought I was the most important one because i’m a true alpha.”

“You tried so many times to help me and to teach how to be a better werewolf and a better leader. All I ever did was push you away because I thought I could do it myself. All I thought about was being a better Alpha than you and Peter ever were. But now that I think about it, i’ll never be the Alpha you were.”

“You constantly put yourself in harms way to protect your pack. You always knew what to do and knew how to keep your pack together. That’s something I never learned how to do. I only thought about surviving and keeping everyone alive.”

“We’re all falling apart without you. Especially Stiles. We’re lost. We all feel incredibly guilty for what happened. We don’t know what else to do, all we do is hope that you wake up so we can take care of you and help you.”

 

* * *

 

Four months passed and Derek still showed no signs of waking up. Stiles was lying in Derek's hospital bed, sobs shaking his body and his arms wrapped around his waist.

“If you don’t wake up by the end of this week they’re going to turn off your machine, Derek. It’s so selfish of me that I want you to wake up and stay when you wanted to leave.”

Stiles removed his hand from Derek’s waist and cupped his cheek. “You can leave, Derek.”

He moved around and buried his face in Derek’s neck and let out loud sobs. “You can let go, baby. You can go to sleep and be with your family. Just know that I loved you and that i’ll always love you.”

Stiles walked out of that room that night, not looking back. He let himself wonder if the love of his life went to sleep or not. Either way, he would find out the following week when he received the phone call. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry, there will be a sequel.


End file.
